


under the stars, in the grass

by punkeraa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Reylo Short Story Collection, enjoy, i actually really love this piece its like my personal favorite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 16:24:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11718072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkeraa/pseuds/punkeraa
Summary: Written for the Reylo Short Story Collection





	under the stars, in the grass

“Tell me, scavenger,” Kylo Ren said, picking at the dewed grass under his fingers and breaking the tense silence that settled between the two. “How do you envision the Force?”

Rey’s confusion and annoyance spiked, causing their bond to buzz like the insects hidden around them as she stared at him. 

“What? Where did that even come from, Ren?” she huffed. Clearly she had grown agitated; Kylo found it amusing. 

Ignoring her he continued as if Rey hadn't spoken at all. “For the longest time—most of my life, really—I had been told that the Force is the Light Side and it is appropriately used in only those ways. As this happened I was also being told that the Force is the Dark Side, the true way of using it so as to unlock my full potential.

“Lately,” Kylo said, his intense gaze fixated on Rey, “I have begun to realize that everything I have been taught to believe of the Force is…wrong.”

His voice was low, carried on the wind and barely audible over the animals beginning to wake. The sun was close to rising, close to chasing away the moon, the night; it was almost a new dawn. He turned his head away from Rey, facing the rising horizon. Kylo released an emotional sigh as he got lost in the memories of dreams.

\- 

The first time they saw each other after Starkiller had been in a realm of dreams, a place somewhere between waking and sleeping. Sudden waves of hostility had alerted Kylo to an intruder in this now-familiar dreamscape. And suddenly she appeared, the Scavenger, eyes wild with a vengeance as her hazel gaze landed on him. They stood besides a dejarik table, parallel to a semi-circle bench.

“ _You_ ,” she sneered. Her hands swung up instinctively, as if wielding a lightsaber so that she may cut him down for good. Rey’s bloodlust was almost a pulsating, living thing—an animal wanting to be released from its cage so as to pay blood with blood. Kylo couldn’t help but sneer at her, noticing how tempting the Dark Side had become to her. All Rey needed to do to succumb was pursue his death.

“Scavenger,” he spat back. “Why are you here?”

Her annoyed and shocked expression only served to further irritate him. 

“What do you mean, what am I doing here?! This is _my_ dream, monster. Now get out!” Rey yelled as she took a step towards him, hands balled into fists.

Kylo Ren’s scoff was thundering, echoing throughout the walls of their minds and the ship they found themselves in this dream. It dripped with malice, the kind of sound a child would run from. But Rey stood her ground, becoming even more determined as she felt Kylo’s aggression begin to rise. 

“You truly believe this to be _your_ dream, scavenger? Take a look around—this is _my_ dream!” he shouted at her, much in the same tone he used before his duel began with the traitorous stormtrooper on Starkiller. 

Finally the dense girl took in her surroundings. She noticed something familiar, Kylo could feel it. Perhaps the convex saucer-shape of the ship, or the overall mismatch of junk triggered her memory. The sensation made him want to vomit; he wanted her out of his mind, out of this dream… this nightmare that had plagued him ever since that fateful moment on the catwalk with his father.

“This is…” she sounded incredulous, as if surprised by what she was seeing. Slightly entertained by her confusion, he wondered if the scavenger remembered who Kylo Ren’s parents were. 

As if on queue, a younger version of a dead man walked between the both of them, unnoticing. He had a child in his arms, carrying him to the cockpit of the ship. The child looked excited, happy to be with his father. Kylo’s lips twitched downward, his anger and turmoil rising. 

“ _You know what, kid?_ ” a ghostly voice asked. It was coming from the dead man, speaking to his son as they walked further away. “ _Your dad may not be the best guy around, but I’m lucky enough to have you,_ Ben.”

The name cut into him like a knife that was then twisted on its way out. Kylo collapsed to his knees, unable to breathe. He felt it again, felt the draw to the light as his arm intuitively reached for the back of the receding man. His mind swirled with tormented thoughts, pulling him apart with abandon as if to punish him for his wicked deed. Swirled with the desire to shout that he knew he made a mistake, that patricide had not made him stronger but only served to further weaken him. Snoke had _lied_ to him. 

The quiet scoff from the scavenger made Kylo focus on her again, his intense eyes boring into her face as she looked at him like he was beneath her. He realized as she spoke that he had projected his feelings, that in this realm between waking and sleeping there were no barriers to keep things hidden from her. Every thought and idea flowed between them.

“Of course that creature lied to you.”

Before the Jakku girl disappeared, Kylo swore he saw something like pity and… _compassion_ in her eyes. He was left with the lingering thought that perhaps those were meant for him. Kylo was not sure how to feel.

\- 

As the days followed, Kylo Ren began to realize how little privacy he would have within his dreams. He had hoped and prayed that the scavenger would not find her way into this particular memory—it would be too much of his weakness laid bare before her.

Yet her wild hostility alerted Kylo to her presence before she appeared before him. She stood in the center of a family room, complete with matching sofas and furniture. Narrowed eyes landed upon him before quickly scanning the room. Her mouth made a perfect round ‘O’ as she gasped, all her focus on the ghosts sitting on the couch.

A woman with dark brown hair, braided with such style and elegance Kylo knew for a fact it had taken almost two hours to complete. She dressed comfortably and practically for a rare day spent at home yet she was always fashionable. Beside her sat a man with tanned skin and sun bleached hair, blue eyes bright against the tone of his skin. Metal fingers ran through his hair. 

And the worst ghost of all. A child, around seven standard years, ran into the room with a cloth bundle held close to his chest. Dark wavy hair obscured his eyes but he deftly found his way to the elegant woman.

“ _Mama! Look! Help me fix it, please!_ ” the ghost-child begged his mother. Kylo’s anger was swiftly building, a volcano ready to erupt at any given second. His fists clenched at his sides, nails digging crescent moons into the skin of his palms. 

The scavenger continued to say nothing; she simply observed the entire exchange as her enemy began to vibrate with rage beside her.

“ _Oh, Ben. Did you find this outside?_ ” Leia Organa Solo asked as she took the cloth bundle from her only son and unfolded it. Wrapped within it was a small creature, a broken wing and in considerable pain. 

The man beside her finally spoke. “ _Come here, Ben, I want to show you something. Well, really, it’s gonna be your mom and me showing you something._ ” The ghost of Luke Skywalker winked at his twin before he grabbed her hand in his and held it over the winged creature.

Soothing waves of green light radiated from their palms, mending the broken wing. Muscle began to knit itself back together, little feathers appearing to cover the exposed flesh that grew to cover and protect the muscle. Color was given back to the little winged creature, a healthy shine in its eyes. The small creature gave a chirp of delight before taking flight once again. The child looked stupidly pleased with the little parlor trick, excitedly bouncing up and down. It was the first time the ghost-child had ever seen his mother use the Force.

“ _Was that the Force?!_ ” As two heads nodded the child continued. “ _Uncle Luke, you have to teach me that! No, wait, Mama I want you to teach me! I wanna be just like you, helping sentients and places who need me!_ ”

So much light emanated from the ghost-child; Kylo felt how this particular memory resonated with the scavenger. He began to grow even more irate at the knowledge that Rey had just seen a deeply personal memory. He felt the skin on his palms break from the pressure his fingers exerted upon them.

As if from sheer willpower, the dream-memory continued no further. Everything disappeared in a flurry, dust falling in the empty darkness of the warlord’s subconscious. 

Kylo hoped she wouldn’t say anything, and he begged the Force that she keep her words to herself. It was in vain.

“Did she ever teach you… how to Force heal?” 

Her voice was quiet; it betrayed the insecurity she felt, incredulous that she had even said anything to him. Kylo felt the scavenger’s reluctance at feeling _compassion_ towards him. It did little to quell his rage.

Of course Rey would ask about his mother. Of course she would bring up the one person the Master of the Knights of Ren absolutely wanted to avoid. Memories of his mother, the Alderaanian princess, tore the deepest wounds onto his soul.

For whatever reason, the desert girl interpreted Kylo’s silence as an invitation to continue the little speech she had begun to formulate. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much Light in a person before. That was you, wasn’t it Kylo?”

Rey’s statement nearly sent him into a blind rage. How dare she mention the light within him?! It was the source of his pain, of his conflict and agony. If only the light had not shone as brightly as it had within him, perhaps Kylo Ren would feel less torment, less like he was being torn apart. 

“Don’t presume to know anything about me, scavenger! Just because you see glimpses of long-forgotten memories doesn’t mean you understand me. The _only_ reason you are even able to ask these questions and make these statements is because of a meaningless connection. An annoyance,” he spat at her as he fumed, his body rocked with rage.

The young woman took a step back, recoiling from the waves of vexation originating from the warlord. Her wide, hazel eyes shone with hurt, shiny with unshed tears. At the sight of her all of Kylo’s anger abandoned him. The wounded expression on Rey’s face cut deeply; he wanted to avoid that look. It reminded him of that moment on the catwalk, of looking up after being hit with that bowcaster bolt after one of his most damning deeds. Regret immediately rushed in to course through his body, taking the place of his violent temper. He slumped, reeling from his actions. 

As suddenly as she appeared, Rey no longer stood beside him in the empty darkness. She had gone, brought herself into awareness so as to not be near him. Kylo felt his heart begin to race with anxiety at the thought of having hurt her.

The oppressive emptiness he felt from her absence told Kylo that whatever connection had formed between them on Starkiller was perhaps more than a simple annoyance.

A sliver of light broke the empty darkness of Kylo’s subconscious mind as he felt inklings of compassion for the scavenger… for Rey.

\- 

They had become each other’s frequent visitor. The first few weeks of shared dreams were always tinged with such hatefulness that Kylo was surprised Rey considered herself to be a light side user. Soon they had noticed a pattern in their meeting places. Always they would take place within the confines of a dream, whatever memory was being drudged up by either the scavenger or the warlord. Most of the time they would meet within Kylo’s dream, simply because his haunted him more than hers did. He resented it, his weaknesses and vulnerabilities being so easily and openly displayed to an enemy of the First Order, though not as strongly as he originally had.

This time Kylo found himself in a desert— _Jakku_ , he thought—inside of a destroyed AT-AT. The scavenger was also present, crouching on the dirty floor with her knees to her chest. She looked petulant, almost as if she were pouting. Her lower lip jutting out just slightly was all Kylo needed to see in order to be convinced. He couldn’t help the chuckle that came out of his lips at the sight.

“What?” she growled at him, squinted eyes filled with lazy contempt. She was still hurt over one of their previous encounters where he had violently yelled at her. However, the knight began to notice that her hostility towards him was gradually beginning to fade with each stolen dream-memory she saw. Her mistrust was still there, but the same bloodlust she had for him no longer surrounded her whenever he was near. Kylo Ren didn’t want to reflect or think on how his attitude and feelings towards the Jakku scavenger had changed with time. It would do nothing but add to his torment, to his confusion. 

He ignored her question and instead sat across from her. Kylo stared at her, unsure of what he wanted to say. The scavenger— _Rey_ —fascinated the Knight of Ren because of how nontraditional she was in her beliefs about the Force. While she trained under the tutelage of Luke Skywalker, Kylo was sure that his uncle was filling her head with ideas of how the light side is inherently superior and somehow the right way to use the Force. He wondered what she made of his lessons.

The sigh she released also resulted in her shoulders slightly slumping, letting go of whatever weight she had placed on herself. Perhaps upon knowing what Kylo was thinking because of their connection, Rey felt like she could begin to talk about something that was weighing on her mind. 

“I feel… conflicted about what Master Luke is teaching me,” Rey admitted quietly. She drew into herself more, both physically and emotionally. The slight void she left between them was odd to Kylo, like a part of himself had gone into hiding. A confused look flashed upon his features before quickly disappearing under a neutral mask. 

A small nudge through their mental link encouraged her to continue. “I’m not sure if the Force can so easily be divided into a Light Side and Dark Side. Of course there are horrible ways of misusing it, but…I don’t know.”

Her statement stuck with Kylo, burrowing itself into some part of his mind so as to plague and haunt him in the future.

A young girl, no older than eight standard years, entered the AT-AT with a small amount of portions. She looked unhealthy, her arms much too bony for a child that age. Looking from the girl to the young woman in front of him, Kylo felt another pang of compassion for the younger Rey. 

“It must not have been easy,” he commented, surprising both of them. Upon feeling his face begin to redden from his embarrassment, Kylo quickly turned his head away from Rey so that she could not see. 

A snort escaped her lips, filling the silence between them. “You know that I can still see your cheeks. I didn’t think you could become so red.”

Kylo’s ire was beginning to rise within him, but the lingering feeling of playfulness came through their connection. Her comment wasn’t malicious but rather a simple observation, something that made him less of a monster and more of a person in Rey’s eyes. 

“But you’re right. It wasn’t easy, being alone and having to fend for myself. But it made me who I am,” Rey said, responding to Kylo’s original comment.

“Would you change it, if you could?” Kylo continued to surprise the both of them as he pursued the conversation. He turned his head to look at her, that careful neutral mask still in place.

Rey shook her head. “No. I like who I am, and I’m not sure how I would be if something had changed.”

Her answer stuck with the warlord. He would change so much, he began to realize with growing anxiety. Kylo wasn’t sure if this was a thought he would have outside of this realm, away from the safety of their link. The knight had quickly realized his master could not torment him in his link with Rey, so it had swiftly evolved into a place of safety and escape for Kylo Ren. 

The dreamscape was beginning to dissipate, turning to dust everything surrounding them and soon enough even themselves. As his mind untangled from Rey’s, the warlord admitted to himself what he had been running from for months—a Force bond had formed between the Knight of Ren and the scavenger.

Part of Kylo vehemently hated the bond he shared with Rey, hated in his very core that every night they would meet inside the dream-memories of the other. It did nothing but add to his conflict, to the pain he felt of being torn apart. Seeing her on a near nightly basis, his vulnerabilities laid bare before Rey…Kylo knew it would only end in one of two ways.

But most of all he hated how much Rey was beginning to see the light in him, exposed through cracks, materializing as memories and dreams and compassion. His feelings towards Rey, once hostility twinged with curiosity, were becoming something else. The Light within him slowly grew whenever he was around her, as if begging to be touched and nurtured by her own Light. Kylo was feeling tenderness for her; his feelings towards Rey, a First Order enemy, were becoming warmer. His confusion as to why was becoming unbearable.

\- 

Within this nightmare, Rey’s luminous, soft glow is nowhere to be found. After seeing it every night for so many nights, it deeply unsettled Kylo.

 _Where could she be? Did something happen to her? Is she_ safe _?_

These thoughts swirled through Kylo’s brain, going round and round him like a sandstorm. An oppressive weight to the air of the nightmare brought the knight down to his knees. Kylo’s head began to throb, slowly at first and then with the might of a hammer. 

Suddenly a familiar Force signature made itself known. Kylo instantly recognized what this was, this nightmare.

 _Punishment._

“My apprentice,” his deformed master greeted. A fresh wave of pain coursed through Kylo’s body; every nerve felt as if it had been electrocuted, each nerve ending slowly and brutally being torn apart. 

Kylo didn’t say a word–he looked at Snoke directly in the eyes with a look that could level a planet with its malice. For quite some time now, ever since Starkiller, Kylo’s trust in his master had steadily dwindled. He was losing faith in Snoke, the trust between master and apprentice being steadily eroded every night in the wake of a bright, peaceful presence. Kylo didn’t let himself think of a certain scavenger somewhere in the galaxy.

Snoke chuckled, finding the defiance in his apprentice amusing. 

“I have begun to notice your loyalty to me is wavering, _Kylo Ren_.” He spat the name as if it were foul, something disgusting resting atop his tongue. “And I believe I know what— _who_ —is the cause of this dilemma.”

Images of Rey began to flood Kylo’s mind. They were photographs, taken by First Order spies. It startled Kylo to see how many of them there were—how much attention was the First Order, Snoke, giving to Rey? When did this start? 

The pain of electrocution coursed through his body again. His nerves sang with pain; his skin felt as if it were melting off and Kylo would be nothing but bone. 

Another wave of images replaced the pain. This time it was Snoke’s imagination, his fantasy of having Kylo capture Rey and deliver her to him. She would be strapped to a table, so similar to her time on Starkiller, and slowly tortured to death. 

Kylo saw this vision of Rey having her body slowly come undone. Digits went first, followed by limbs. Slowly, inch by inch, would her body disappear. The screams coming from her mouth were almost worse than the electrocution Snoke was inflicting between each image. 

“You will remember who raised you from ashes, _my apprentice_. You will remember where your loyalties lie, and with _whom_ they lie. 

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke authoritatively boomed, “you _will_ bring this desert rat to me. She will die for your mistakes. A distraction cannot be allowed to threaten all that we have worked for.”

Snoke no longer spoke to Kylo. He simply tortured his apprentice within the confines of a nightmare, over and over again until he believed Kylo’s loyalties had been cemented into him. 

All Kylo could think of as the pain ended was hazel–of green and brown flecked with beautiful, warm gold.

\- 

Kylo never shared with Rey what had happened on the nights they did not meet in dream-memories. He refused to let her into that part of his mind; his pain was all his own, something he did not want to share with her. For reasons he did not wish to dwell on, Kylo felt the need to protect Rey from Snoke’s monstrosity.

Suddenly her soft light was there, _she_ was there. Rey stood next to him, back tall and head held high. Her bloodlust towards him had completely disappeared at this moment, over a year since that fateful night in the snow. She was open in her compassion towards him, her feelings of pity for the man he had become. With anyone else the knight would have flown into a rage at discovering such feelings, but with Rey… _Everything_ was always different with her. Kylo had accepted that truth a long time ago, in a different dream.

“Is this one of yours? Because it certainly is not mine,” Rey asked, her hazel orbs looking around her surroundings. Kylo followed suit, if only to confirm and remember exactly where his memories had taken them that night. 

Confusion swelled within him and then between them. Kylo looked cautiously towards her, slowly turning his head. 

“This is not one of my memories. I have no recollection of ever being on this planet.”

As if on queue, phantoms of themselves appeared before them. Their lightsabers ignited, standing opposite one another in what appeared to be a village transformed into a battlefield. Dead stormtroopers littered the ground, though Kylo saw no Resistance members. 

A small group of stormtroopers appeared out of nowhere, firing their blasters in rapid succession. All of it aimed at Rey, and her fatigue slowed her reflexes. She was struck in the shoulder, her lightsaber arm going limp. It appeared she would not survive this battle. _Where is the Resistance?!_

The dream slowed then, as if to mark the next part as especially significant. 

The phantom Kylo twirled around, his lightsaber deflecting all bolts aimed at Rey. His hand extended, Force-pushing the rest of the battalion. He stalked towards them as they continued to open fire on him. It was no matter; Kylo’s phantom self advanced towards the battalion, cutting them all down with a furious fixation. A lucky stormtrooper managed to land a hit onto Kylo’s side, slowing him down only momentarily. The Force surrounded the phantom Knight of Ren like a protective shield, giving him the energy to make sure that the phantom Rey remained _safe_. It radiated off the phantom Kylo in waves, his single-minded focus on protecting the First Order enemy… of protecting Rey. 

Everything stopped. Kylo and Rey stare into a black void; no light nor sound came from it. The still darkness seemed to expand out into forever, as if it could swallow the whole galaxy. They looked at each other, uncertain of what they had just witnessed. 

As if to make sure she had not lost her mind, Rey asked, “D-did you see that as well?”

Kylo nodded his head slowly, slightly unsure himself. _Had that truly happened?_

The Force swelled within the black void, an answer and a reassurance to them both.

“A Force vision,” Kylo breathed out. 

A vision of the future, of things to come that have not yet passed. With the passing of the vision also came the passing of his confusion.

\- 

Kylo Ren stared at the twinkling stars of dawn, illuminating a field soaked through with blood; some of his own began to trickle down to feed the planet’s surface.

“Why did you do that?” she asked, breathless. In the back of her mind, however, Rey felt as if she already knew the answer to her question. But having it answered, the words spoken by Kylo himself, would make it real. 

He could feel her exhaustion through their bond and couldn't help his scowl from forming. He was tired enough on his own; Kylo wasn't sure he would be able fight against Rey’s exhaustion as well.

He lay there for a long time, staring at the stars in silence.

 _Why_ had he done that? What _truly_ made him raise his saber against his supposed allies? A swell of feelings, stolen moments between waking and dreaming, and a memory of a Force vision crossed Kylo’s mind.

Kylo suspected it most certainly had to do with the push and pull, the ebb of another consciousness within the confines of his own mind, and all that came with a Force bond that had influenced his choice. 

Turning his head, his eyes locked with the scavenger’s. Her chestnut hair, usually in three buns, was now down; some of it had stuck to her face with the help of sweat. Rey inhaled deeply, gulping down the air. 

_You're quite exhausted, aren't you, scavenger?_ he sent through their bond. Kylo was not yet ready to answer her question. He wanted to run from it a bit longer before he spoke the words that would make this truth.

She glowered at him before sending, _As are you, Ren. Now answer my question—why did you help me get out of there? Why did you turn on the First Order?_

Rey’s urgency bled through into their bond, hitting his mind with force. She wanted him to know how badly she craved for this question to be answered. He sent back his wave of irritation, but also a request for some time to collect his thoughts.

His mind was beginning to wander; he didn't know what to think. He had just betrayed his master, his allies, a few minutes ago by protecting Rey. But Kylo had intimate knowledge of Snoke’s malicious intentions with the scavenger girl, knew what sadistic torture the deformed man had in store for her. Ever since murdering his father and forging the bond with Rey on Starkiller, Kylo’s faith in his master had slowly begun to crumble away until all that remained was a foundation of dust, illuminated by the Light filtering in through the cracks in Kylo’s soul he could not seal. 

Rey could feel his emotional turmoil through their bond, recognized how difficult this night had been. How his life had been changed _so drastically_ by helping her survive. She suddenly wanted to soothe him, to chase away the feelings of guilt because he had done _the right thing_. He had saved her life, and they both knew it. Closing her eyes, Rey sent comforting emotions to his end of the bond; she hoped he would accept them.

Opening her eyes, Rey’s vision was met with the coming sunrise. The sky was brightening, becoming a lighter and lighter blue as the minutes ticked on. The stars were beginning to fade, no longer visible with the encroaching sunlight. 

“For me, when I see the Force, I see a fragmented thing that's simply trying to put itself back together,” she said, hoping that by answering his earlier question he would begin talking with her.

Rey realized she felt self-conscious around the warlord, who was more educated and well-traveled than she was. She tried her best to keep these thoughts within the confines of her own mind, away from Kylo Ren. She still didn’t fully trust him; after all, this could be a ploy so that she would lower her defenses just enough to give the knight time to strike her down. 

In her heart of hearts, Rey hoped she was wrong. 

_You are_ , Kylo quietly said through the bond. His sincerity was tangible, almost a material thing existing in the space between them. Rey turned her head to look at him, the smell of dewed grass and blood filling her nostrils. 

They were holding each other’s gaze, communicating in silence through their strange connection.

_I pointed my lightsaber at them, Rey. Do you remember that Force vision we had?_

She nodded, urging him to continue.

 _While not everything played out exactly as we had seen it… I believe it would have_ always _come to this conclusion. I would always make this choice, Rey. I would always choose_ you.

The confidence in Kylo’s words was poignant. Rey’s doubts melted away at the truthfulness of his statement. 

Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren and apprentice to Snoke with loyalties to the First Order, had chosen _her_ , an orphaned desert scavenger from the backwater planet of Jakku. He had chosen Rey, his enemy. But could she truthfully still think of them, of _him_ , in that way?

The weight of Kylo Ren’s choice was felt through the bond, between them, as the last twinkling stars disappeared with the rising of the sun, and of a new day.

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! this was my submission for the second issue of the RSSC - i hope you've enjoyed this story. writing this was a real pleasure for me - this has become one of my favorite stories that i've written, and i hope you as readers can see the work and love i've put into this :)
> 
> artwork for my story was done by the lovely kazeOT on tumblr - check out the whole issue over [here](http://reyloshortstorycollection.tumblr.com/post/163748114625/without-further-ado-we-present-to-you-volume-1)!


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